a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
