Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
