And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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