Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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