btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
