This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
