Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
