Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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