i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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