it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
