Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
