Kiss
Puke
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
