i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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