went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
