am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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