Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
