I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We are all done wearing pants today
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
