Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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