Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
