Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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