never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
