i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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