wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
