If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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