I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
