Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
