I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
