I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
