There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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