As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
