Whod you bang
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
