I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
