I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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