I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
