I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
