Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
