I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
