Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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