it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
