everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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