he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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