Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Hippo gnu deer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
