You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
