Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
