I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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