Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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