I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
