we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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