i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
