Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
