They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
