my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
