I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
