me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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