I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
