i just wanna soil my oats bro
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
